Many people think that child molesters are strange men who hide in bushes and snatch unsuspecting children off the streets. But in truth, a child is much more likely to be molested by someone he or she knows.
Before the molestation takes place, the perpetrator goes to great lengths to cement his or her relationship with the child to insure compliance. This behavior is called “grooming.” According to INTERPOL, “The majority of sex offenders groom their victims.”
In his publication, “Child Molesters: A Behavioral Analysis,” former FBI agent Kenneth V. Lanning lays out five stages of the grooming process: identifying a possible victim, collecting information about the intended victim, filling a need, lowering inhibitions, and initiating the abuse. The good news is that there are several opportunities during the process for savvy parents to spot what is going on and put a stop to it.
Although this article refers to the pedophile as “he” parents should remember that women may also be abusers.
Identifying a Possible Victim
The first stage in the grooming process is the identification of a likely victim. Pedophiles differ in their preferences regarding gender, age, and appearance, but almost every pedophile looks for a child who is vulnerable in some way.
Keep an eye out for any adult who does not have children but who spends a lot of time around places like your child’s school and playground. Don’t be shy about asking questions of anyone who seems to be watching your child too closely.
Collecting Information
The pedophile’s next step is to gather as much information as possible about the intended victim. Often this is done through casual conversation with the victim and/or the victim’s parents. Be on guard if an adult starts asking you or your child questions that are overly intrusive and personal. Teach your child that he or she does not need to provide personal information just because an adult asks for it.
Filling a Need
Once the pedophile knows a little about his victim, he steps into that child’s life to fill a need. Thus a poor child might receive expensive gifts, a lonely child might receive extra time and attention, and a child who feels unloved might receive unconditional affection.
Know the adults who play a dominant role in your child’s life. Be aware if your child suddenly starts talking about one adult more than any other.
Lowering Inhibitions
Next the pedophile begins working to lower the child’s inhibitions about sexual matters. He may make sexual comments, show the child pornographic movies or pictures, or manufacture situations where he and the child will be undressed.
At this stage, children sometimes become a little uncomfortable around the abuser. Watch for any changes in attitude towards an adult that has been important in your child’s life. Watch, too, for inappropriate sexual comments or interest. (E.g., “Mr. Smith says I have big boobs.”)
Initiating the Abuse
At this stage, the pedophile begins overt sexual abuse of the child. When the abuse occurs, many children show marked changes in their personalities and behaviors. Often they will look for an excuse to avoid the abuser.
When it comes to protecting your child from abuse, inform yourself about the stages of grooming and trust your knowledge and intuition. If you have any concerns about the adults in your child’s life, investigate further and, if necessary, put a stop to any questionable relationships. Anyone who truly cares about children will understand your desire to protect your child from harm and respect your decision.
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